Update & My Wonderful Wife

I’ve having a slightly energetic interval from this jaundice thing so I thought I would post an update. The side effects from last week’s chemo have pretty much worn off and that is a big help in terms of comfort, but the jaundice really saps me off all my energy. I’m as low on mojo as I have been for years. All I can do is continue to rest and try to eat as rich a diet as I can to get some calories into the system. In the two weeks since I turned yellow, I’ve lost 11 pounds but I have the advantage of deliberately having porked up for the chemo, so I’ve mostly just shed the extra weight I put on as a cushion. If I can get stable where I am right now, it’ll all work out – assuming the J-Train leaves the station sometime soon. I don’t expect to lose my sheen though for at least two weeks – basing that on another round of chemo next Thursday. If I give that round a week to make some tumor progress, maybe things will ease. The hardest thing about all this exhaustion is that you can’t even think clearly enough to get your head around an idea complex enough to occupy a compound sentence. That makes concentrating on even a basic novel a tiring event.

In any case, like I said, I’m having a little lucid time now each day – an hour here or there – and it’s a great feeling!

Most notably, however, yesterday was Robbie and my 20th anniversary! We weren’t able to celebrate it but our trip to Maine last July was our gift to ourselves and it was a terrific time. Marrying Robbie was the single, best decision I ever made in my life. She is the most purely good natured, caring person I have ever known and she has taught me, through her actions, a lot about how to live a happy and fulfilling life. Her energy, patience, kindness, thoughtfulness and (above all) forgiveness are incredible. And you should realize, that living with me certainly requires a high threshold for patience and forgiveness! Everything positive I’ve done since we’ve been together could not have happened without her and my failings are entirely my own. I love her dearly and am only sad that my “condition” has brought us to this often bitter place. She deserves much better.  But when I say to her “I am the lemon in your lemonade”, she replies “Yeah, but the lemon gives the drink it’s flavor!” She is simply the best.