The other day, an inch or so of ice fell overnight, covering every surface and the branches of the trees. The next morning, I was watching the birds flitter around among the branches in my backyard, trying to stay out of the freezing rain that was still falling. Feeling bad for them, I went out and threw some bird seed on the patio and on the picnic table on our deck. Then I sat at the kitchen window and waited to see who would be the first to discover it – the juncos or the titmice. After about 20 minutes of watching, not a single bird had noticed the seed. They continued to flit around on the branches either trying to stay dry or stay warm. And many seemed to be trying to pick at the ice in search of food. But none saw the seeds I had thrown even though they stood out boldly on the table. My offering was undiscovered yet not undiscoverable.
As I thought about these avian knuckleheads, it dawned on me that their situation is a good analogy for me. Until now, I have been so busy focusing on and dealing with the immediate changes in our family life – the chemo routines, the scans, the side effects, the disability paperwork, how the kids are coping, etc – that I haven’t thought at all about the long term. In fact, I said to someone recently that I don’t think farther than a week or two ahead because I don’t know what the future will bring. I have been staying out of the rain and trying to stay warm.
Now that we’re getting the routine down a little better, and having received a hopeful result from my first scan, I think it makes sense to start thinking a little more long term. How can I make the most of, and be productive, during the better days during this chemotherapy? What happens when I come off of chemo later in 2009? How will I handle returning to work? Do I want to change my outlook on what’s important in life based on this experience? Are there things I want to do now, before a potential downturn in health would make it impossible? What’s really important to do and what do I do just because it’s there and it needs doing? And many more questions …
These are the seeds on my picnic table which have been undiscovered by me. I’m still in the trees, shedding the rain. But they are not undiscoverable. Up to now, I have blogged mostly about the mechanics of cancer therapy. I may blog more in the future about these bigger issues. One thing I have learned is how great and diverse and creative and intelligent my friends and family are. Perhaps in sharing some thoughts that go beyond the mechanics, it may prompt you to share a perspective from your experience. Or, perhaps it will even prompt you to address something in your life that you’ve been meaning to focus on but daily life has been getting in the way!
Stay warm! BB
As I thought about these avian knuckleheads, it dawned on me that their situation is a good analogy for me. Until now, I have been so busy focusing on and dealing with the immediate changes in our family life – the chemo routines, the scans, the side effects, the disability paperwork, how the kids are coping, etc – that I haven’t thought at all about the long term. In fact, I said to someone recently that I don’t think farther than a week or two ahead because I don’t know what the future will bring. I have been staying out of the rain and trying to stay warm.
Now that we’re getting the routine down a little better, and having received a hopeful result from my first scan, I think it makes sense to start thinking a little more long term. How can I make the most of, and be productive, during the better days during this chemotherapy? What happens when I come off of chemo later in 2009? How will I handle returning to work? Do I want to change my outlook on what’s important in life based on this experience? Are there things I want to do now, before a potential downturn in health would make it impossible? What’s really important to do and what do I do just because it’s there and it needs doing? And many more questions …
These are the seeds on my picnic table which have been undiscovered by me. I’m still in the trees, shedding the rain. But they are not undiscoverable. Up to now, I have blogged mostly about the mechanics of cancer therapy. I may blog more in the future about these bigger issues. One thing I have learned is how great and diverse and creative and intelligent my friends and family are. Perhaps in sharing some thoughts that go beyond the mechanics, it may prompt you to share a perspective from your experience. Or, perhaps it will even prompt you to address something in your life that you’ve been meaning to focus on but daily life has been getting in the way!
Stay warm! BB
7 comments:
I learned when my father died early, at age 66, that no one promises you tomorrow. If you put off the things you think you love until some time in the future, there is no guarantee that it will be there for you. So love each day to the fullest and do your best to be happy with what you have. That's what I learned and I still follow that the best I can. And I am sure you will find your own philosophy to guide you.
Opportunities are boundless. I know I have thought about how you would handle the future. I think your older readers have probably faced life changing situations in their decades of life. As one thinks back, hindsight reveals opportunities taken and opportunities lost. As I have moved through the decades I have found that in many situations the bad things have had silver linings and the good things could have been even better. I came to believe that when a door closes behind me, another opens in front of me. The challenge is to find the silver linings and explore to the fullest extend the possible opportunities. What delights me is that you are at a point that sitting on the ice and failing to see the seeds of opportunities are not part of your psyche.
The near term productivity will spread your wings. Don’t be afraid to volunteer, write, speak to groups whether the subject be your knowledge of pensions, corporate plans, or cancer survival. You have an unique gift of communication and the subject does not matter. What does matter is that for your own mental health and enrichment you engage with others on a subject you know well.
Life will change again when you come off chemo. You can let the rat race start all over again, or you can be prepared to pick up the bird seed of opportunities and begin again. Returning to work will happen, no matter where that work is.
This experience will change your outlook on life. It will temper the way you handle situations and deal with people. You will have first hand experience in understanding how devastating situations immobilize people who are faced with adversity. That will help you and them as you communicate and work along side of them.
Here is a suggestion for a near term opportunity.. You enjoy focus group work. Why not take the questions you pose to an audience that is facing similar situations. Focus group (I just made that a verb) cancer patients and survivors at MSK or Morristown hospital, bereavement groups, newly unemployed victims of this economic depression, and any other cohorts you can line up. All of these people are facing or should be facing similar situations regardless of their disability.
I think as you move through the near term into and beyond the end of chemo, what you do now will flow into what is really important to you now, what plans you make should your health take a downturn. Start with the near term.
Look now to the table of bird seed you put out. Some of the birds found the seed and for a short time will return to the table looking for more. Keep the bird seed refilled. Give them the opportunities to survive. You will become a new man. Love, Mom
Truly an elegant and eloquent post, and a leading contender for post of the year (unlike the Oscars, major league stuff from early in the year does count). I read a lot of posts from a lot of blogs and none moves me as much as this one. You are handling this with class and style.
I really enjoyed your analogy. And it is so nice you are thinking of the shivering birds while you yourself are chilly. Your questions and the other comments are thought-provoking for all. I remember my mom post-chemo and Sal Cuccia both remarking how they found a certain joy in the everyday mundane things in life....like laundry! With the craziness of doctor's appointments, dealing with adverse effects, and such a disrupted lifestyle, suddenly little kid's piano recitals, soccer games, and simple chats with friends became so fulfilling. It was an interesting perspective I thought. And actually, whenever I look at the 10 loads of laundry to fold on the bed, I think of Sal and smile. Then I usually tell Aaron and Nick to get off the couch and fold their laundry!
Keep up the great work Bri!
Is it coincidence? The sermon at the 5PM Mass at St Gabriel’s picked up on the themes from St Mark and St Paul on the need to change and the opportunities waiting. The priest’s homily talked about man’s fear of the unknown even though God opens the door of opportunity for change. Using today’s situations, he brought attention to those whose lives were changing due to changes in their everyday way of life. Nothing remains the same forever. It all fit well into your introspective commentary.
It is awesome and mysterious...but it seems to take the personal, individual experience of losing all our hard earned gains, despite every plan to manage events,for each of us to realize that we cannot control life's turns. Accepting that, opens our eyes to see & our ears to hear. ...."to discover the discoverable"....and to be not afraid. Keep exploring those new doors.
Way to go, Brian. Hope today's a good one.
Brian, your writings were so poignant. I'm glad to see that you are beginning to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. You are so right about how hard it is to look beyond the immediate to what you can do to make the best use of the moment you have now and work to make a difference. I want you to know that in may ways you and Robbie already have. I was so touched and amazed with all that you and Rob have going on with your treatment schedule and everything, that you and Rob were able to help me when I was so sick. That you both could reach beyond the immediency of your own needs and concerns to check our mine so willingly was inspiring. Thanks for both your awesome friendship and generosity. Your outreach is already in place and increasing due to your everyday example of looking beyond yourself, giving care, concern, and thoughtfulness. Carol
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