Turning 50

No, not that turning 50 – not ‘til December, actually. This week, I had my 50th chemo treatment and, like a birthday, I think of it as a milestone. It was the usual fare other than the addition of a dose of magnesium. Who knew we need magnesium? I know – all you smart medical/health people do – but I didn’t. And evidently, I was below the proper level so I got a bonus half hour in the chair. By the way, taking IV magnesium gives you a hot flash that lasts a couple of hours but I was assured by the nurse that it wasn’t just menopause.

So now that I have my metal back (I know, terrible pun), I can move on to ruminating on the big 5-0. I have many friends who in the last couple of years, or within the next year, have/will hit the half century mark and many of them accept it with a bit of resignation. But perhaps this comparison would help: having 50 chemos is a good thing. It means that I’m still here. It means I still have the opportunity to do things that are meaningful to me and to my family. I can still learn and grow as a person. Turning 50 years old can be viewed the same way. You are here, leading a meaningful life, helping your friends and family, learning new things, accomplishing goals. And, as a bonus, you have the experience of the last 50 years to give you more wisdom and perspective.

If you ponder for a moment the idea that most people will live a relatively healthy life into their 70’s and many well beyond, then turning fifty simply signifies that you have somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 to 30 more years to learn and grow and contribute. Twenty or thirty years!!! Imagine what you would say to a twenty year old about all the things they could do before they turn forty…then apply that logic to yourself and go for it! So, fifty chemos or 50 years, it doesn’t matter – they are both an opportunity and a gift - it just depends on your frame of mind.

And to commemorate the combination of age and opportunity, I bequeath you this photo of the “Terra Nova” – a fishing trawler from Provincetown, MA. She’s a bit long in the tooth but goes out every day in search of a big catch. And I’m sure her crew prefers the joy of trawling the seas to sitting on the dock wishing for a better (younger) boat! BB

Things past and present

I haven’t had a lot blogging mojo lately so hence, it’s been quiet.  My father’s passing has made it a busy time, for as much as he tried to simplify things, settling up all the accounts and such has been a lot of work.   My brother and I made another trip to Florida last month to take care of a number of things that could  best be  done there – transferring the car title, visiting the tax assessor, the lawyer, the condo association, various insurance agents, etc.  It’s all on track but, like I said, very time consuming.

My father had made arrangements to have himself cremated and I brought his remains home on the plane.  We are going to have a family gathering for a small ceremony at the end of the month and we will inter him in a plot not far from mine.  Once we do that, I think I’ll feel a bit more like moving on.  In the meantime, to distract myself from the mundane paperwork of the estate, I spent some time looking into the family history on Dad’s side of the family.  His mother was orphaned as a young child and raised by an older brother.  I had always kind of wondered what the story was behind that.  It turns out that I found a wealth of information in a database of old New York newspapers (and with the help of some of my mother’s prodigious genealogy skills).  Of course, answering one question often just leads to another so now I understand how genealogists can become so obsessive about it!  FYI - the orphan story is that her Mom died of kidney failure in 1909 (at age 48) and Dad of food poisoning (bad clam chowder) at age 49 in 1910.  My grandmother was 6 at the time, with older siblings who were 11, 15, 18 and 22. It’s also quite a trip to read some of the articles in these old newspapers – the ones I read are from the 1850’s to about 1920.  For example, there was a piece on a woman who was convicted in 1889, and fined $25, for being “a common scold and a nuisance.”  The judge lectured her and told her that some of her neighbors were just as bad!  Can you imagine being convicted of “being a nuisance!”

On the health front, I have had three rounds of chemo and one CT scan since I last blogged.  The treatments are going well and my scan looked very good.  I had some significant pain problems in January and February for which I was taking more oxycodone than normal, but those have abated.  David suggested that perhaps, instead of “growing pains” I was having “shrinking pains” from the treatment.  In any event, I’m doing very well.  The treatment this week was the 49^th of my career as a cancer patient.  I wonder if they’ll give me a merit badge next time for my 50^th!

I hope you are all doing well and thank you to everyone who sent condolences….here’s a picture of Dad with his Mom – Grandma Agnes – in 1938…BB